The other side
by smaragdbird
Summary: Black Hawk Down Matt's thoughts on Hoot during the movieHootEversmann slash


The other side 

They were going out to the Mog. Short mission. In. Take the targets. Out. Simple. At least everyone said so. But mat Eversmann wasn't convinced. That was the reason why he sat outside, leaning on the back wall. He didn't look at Hoot until the other man flicked his cigarette away and lit a new one.

'You know it's kind of funny. Beautiful beach, beautiful sun, could almost be a good place to visit.'

_What do you think? Me, you, two weeks on the beach far, far away?_  
'Almost.'

_Maybe.  
_'You don't think we should be here?'

_I don't want to put any pressure on you  
_'You know what I think. It don't really matter what I think. Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that shit just goes right out the window.'

_You don't. But I think I've had enough sand for the rest of my live. Another place would be better._  
'I just want to do it right today.'

_You're not helping, are you?_  
'Just watch your corner and get all your men back here alive.'

_This was your idea._

They sat in a comfortable silence. Matt felt not relived but better. Hoot always had that effect on him. He couldn't help but feel more comfortable after every time Hoot talked with him or sometimes he only had to see him to feel easier. Matt was really glad that he had met Hoot.

'Two minutes.'

Matt felt his heart flutter. He had never felt so nervous in his whole life (okay maybe he did as he had gathered the courage to kiss Hoot but that had been another kind of nervousness) and in addition to that the burden of responsibility weighted heavy on his shoulders.

He looked over to the other helicopter and found Hoot´s eyes on him.

'_Just watch your corner and get all your men back here alive.'_

He would do as Hoot has said and silently prayed that Hoot would act on his own advice, too.

It all had gone completely wrong. Matt still had the faint hope that all this was just a very realistic nightmare and that he would wake up soon. Maybe he felt asleep while he was leaning on the back wall of the base and Smith would wake him with a basketball and make fun of him, alive and well, without his blood dripping from Matt's face.

He noticed Hoot.

'What are you doing?'

'We need the ammo. You did all you could here.'

'They should have sent a medivac.'

'And right now we'd be out there defending another crashed chopper, and more men would get torn up.'

Hoot walked towards him, his dark eyes steady on Matt's face.

'Maybe.'

'See you're thinking. Don't. 'Cause Sgt, you can't control who gets hit or who doesn't, who falls out of the chopper or why. It ain't up to you. It's just war.'

Matt couldn't decide whether he wanted to look at Hoot or not. His mind was racing with thoughts of guilt, of **his** failings and mistakes. He was afraid to see accusation in Hoot's eyes because he didn't act on Hoot's advice, because not all of his men were alive anymore, because he failed them.

'Yeah well, Smith's still dead. If Blackburn hadn't fallen out of the chopper none of this would've happened.'

'Look, should have or would have. It doesn't matter, you'll get plenty of time to think about that later, believe me.'

Matt was surprised by Hoot's soft tone. That didn't happen often. Rarely when they were alone and as god as never when there were other people. But it did happen now and Matt found the courage to look at Hoot. There was no accusation in the other man's eyes. Just encouragement and care and even a faint trace of love shimmering through the normally shielded brown eyes.

'Sgt, you got your men this far. You did it right today. You need to start thinking about getting these men out of here.'

Outside, the firing started and for the first time since they began to talk, Hoot's eyes left Matt's face. As he looked back, he grinned.

'Well, shall we?'

And just for a moment Matt felt better. Hoot had that effect on him.

Matt saw Hoot standing at table, which was scattered with supplies.

'You going back in?'

He hadn't wanted to sound so shocked but he had no control over his voice anymore. Or over anything else, by the way.

'There are still men out there.'

Hoot grabbed his plate and ate mouthful rice.

'Goddam.'

He swallowed and looked at Matt, not as unwavering as before and it was the first time that Hoot's calming effect on Matt failed. On the contrary Matt felt more uncomfortable than ever when he had been around Hoot.

'When I go home people ask me, they say, "Hey Hoot, why do you do it man? Why? You some kind of war junkie? I won't say a goddam word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand, it's about the men next to you. And that's it. That's all it is.' Matt took ammo. He didn't want to leave Hoot's side. If the other man was going back in then he would go as well. But Hoot stopped him.

'Hey don't even think about it, all right? I'm better on my own.' He added in a softer voice and let his eyes wander over Matt's body. It was a short, shy glance but Matt was used to this kind of glance. It meant as much as:

_Don't worry. I'll promise I'll be back before you have noticed I was gone._

Under normal circumstances Matt liked this glance but now it only made him more anxious than he already was.

'Hey we started a whole new week. It's Monday.' Hoot had said that to him after the first time they slept together. Matt couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He didn't think he could bear loosing Hoot but there was nothing he could do.


End file.
